So I've finally pulled the string and gone Decaf - Well, not entirely.
I've given myself a rule, a realistic rule, to not have caffeine after 12PM. Period. None. It's working well.
It all started almost 2 weeks ago. I went into CBT and my Therapist asked me how much coffee I have... then I was like 'Well, I have 2 or 3 latte's at uni a day, then 2 or 3 cups of teas, and sometimes a bottle of Pepsi Max' - She just looked at me. The first week I started CBT I was only having 3 cups of tea's a day, max, and maybe a Pepsi Max... But suddenly I've almost doubled my caffeine in the space of a few weeks. Seamlessly, mind. She was a bit surprised, and then she told me a Latte is 2 shots of Espresso normally! Well, I had no idea! I thought it was just a normal coffee shot with milk instead of water... turns out I was pretty wrong. She told me to go Decaf if possible. Even if I cut most the caffeine out.
I stick to promises as much as I could, and as soon as that session finished, I went straight to Asda, and yes, Brought myself Decaf tea... the most annoying bit? The price of the stuff! It was almost a quid more than the normal tea. Daylight robbery!
Why do I have so much coffee/tea? Well, it's simple. I'm a student. No, seriously, if I was at home or in a job I wouldn't drink as much to keep me awake. I'm tired most the day, or depressed, or sluggish, so it gives me that buzz I need! Except the fact I'd be more aware of things going on, and a little bit shaky, and unable to keep still... But at least I had energy. At least.
The first day going Decaf, cold turkey, was simply insane. It was a Friday and I went to uni, I seriously didn't think I was addicted, not one bit. It's just a drink I'd tell myself. I'd convince myself I couldn't be addicted. I don't have anything that makes me wanna drink it except taste. I have all sorts of Lattes - Caramel, Hazelnut, Cinnamon, Chai, Salted Caramel, Vanilla, Gingerbread... the lot. Anyhow's, I brought a decaf latte from the uni, drank it... By 12PM, I felt agitated, I felt tired, I had an headache, and I just wanted to tell my lecturer I didn't really care because I'm exhausted and feel like crap... then it clicked... this, suddenly, out of nowhere? The cause... I needed a fix! I went to the Costa and brought myself a latte. I couldn't cope. This was stupid and I was so annoyed with myself.
After that, I decided 1 or 2 caffeine drinks a day, before 12PM. Some days I'll have a tea, some days a latte, some days both, but it must be before 12PM, it must be finished before 12PM, and it mustn't exceed 2. It's a lot easier.
It's been 10 days now, and finally I'm sleeping a lot better, this morning, I woke up suddenly feeling ever so awake like I'd never been before. I felt good. I slept well in the night for the first time in ages - Only waking up once, for my dog, rather than several times for different reasons.
I don't think Caffeine is bad. I know in the summer I'll need that cold fix and when it comes to cold drinks, there's not much sugar free I like except Pepsi Max, and I don't like the thought of all that sugar going in my system from other pops and drinks... So i know I'll be having a Pepsi Max or two daily and cut out the Latte's and Tea's, or at least cut down. At the moment, the warmth is mainly comfort.
Yes, I've become that weird one that goes to a café and ask for a Skinny Decaf Sugar Free Vanilla Latte, Regular. YES I am that irritating one. And no, I don't care, because I love the taste and I don't want to put weight on. It's a win - win in my eyes!
Well, win for me, not so much for the person serving me who looks blankly as if I've just killed a man or something. But ok.
3 Months into my meds too. It's going alright I guess. I mean, I'm alright I think. I'm also nearly 3 months into my CBT. I feel good at the moment, and that's always good.
Sorry about the lack of updates too. I'm still on top of my work - And I intend keeping that way. I've got 5 weeks left of uni, so the next time I update this may be once I'm done, or just before. So keep your eyes peeled! Who knows where my stress levels take me? Hopefully they don't tear me down!
