I've left school for a good 5 years nearly, now... and what surprises me is the lack of moving forward, particularly in PSHE - Which I learnt stands for Personal, Social, Health and Economic Education... Which means, they teach things that at some point will benefit their Students.
Now don't get me wrong, I personally can't remember anything except how to put a Condom on a Banana from PSHE. I can't remember much of what was taught. I do, however, know that for a few weeks we had nothing, and therefore my Form Tutor would put music on or popular youtube videos on for us to watch and enjoy. Not a problem - Sure.
But I have one big question about this, why isn't Mental Health on there? We learn growing up not to mock or bully someone with a disability, so if we see someone in a Wheelchair or other visible disabilities, we know not to judge - But what about invisible illnesses? That schools and students normally pass off as 'hormones' or 'attention seeking', when in fact, it's something a lot more serious and on the rise.
Do I think that the world is getting more depressed? Hell no. Yes, the number of diagnosed Mental Health conditions is the highest it's ever been, and the amount of people in therapies and on Medication as at an all time high - But this is not because the world is more depressed, this is because, finally, people are more aware, and people are becoming less ashamed; which is amazing. It's amazing to finally live in a world where I can be like 'Yo, yeah, I got Anxiety and Depression but I'll give it a shot. But be aware... I don't feel comfortable' rather than being like 'I don't want to do it... I've got XYZ planned (Though I had nothing because I had no other way explaining how I felt)'.
In school, because of the lack of support and the lack of understanding, I used to think that to have depression, must mean you're a depressing person. You can't be happy. You want to die or you hurt yourself - But in reality, I had depression, and I came across bubbly, crazy even. Yes there were times I wished I were never born - unsurprising really. But I never really hurt myself. I couldn't be depressed? Yeah, I thought I couldn't be depressed.
School now teaches probably more than it used to. You learn all about the Romans and the Royals, and the wars in History, you learn about Rocks, Maps, the earth as a whole in Geography, you learn about Plants, Planets, and the Periodic Table in Science, you learn about freaking Macbeth in English as well as Romeo and Juliet (Though I think they've slightly changed it), and Numbers and equations and algebra in Maths. You get where I'm going... But where are the fundamental things? The things that will probably help reduce bullying, raise awareness, teach staff, teach students, about their Mind. They don't have to be perfect all the time, and it's completely OK not to be OK. If I knew about Mental Health in High School as I do now, I could have reached out for proper, professional help years ago and not denied myself of love and support. I needed that. I needed that and I hid it away.
There are so many opportunities in PSHE to teach this. They've not ran out of things to teach - and it's something that can be quite enjoyable. Teaching about mental health doesn't have to be boring. Make it interactive - Maybe get the class to Draw what they think someone with depression looks like, and then show them what it actually looks like (A normal everyday human being going out smiling, yeah), maybe even show them celebrities that have it. Get them to learn about de-stress techniques, you're teaching kids that are setting their exams! Teach them how to cope with stress - because trust me, a lot of them need it. Get stress balls, teach them the power of meditation, get them to watch videos. Have a de-stress session. It's half hour out of their day, but a great way to start their day... what would be wrong with it?
Early Intervention is Key. 1 in 3 people will Struggle with their mental health at some point in their life. Let's narrow that down -
Say you have a class of 24 people, about 8 of those will at some point suffer from Mental Health. This doesn't have to be Depression Or Anxiety, there's so many out there to talk about such as:
- Borderline Personality Disorder
- Bipolar
- Schizophrenia
- PTSD
- Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder
- Psychosis
- Eating Disorders (Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge Eating Disorder)
- OCD
The list is endless. If we start teaching students about these - This will help not only teach them healthier coping mechanisms, but also possibly prevent them developing more, long term Mental Health Conditions. It may even get more Students to speak out. In hindsight, there is nothing damaging that can come of having Mental Health in PSHE curriculum, and that's why I think it's so important that schools finally do this.
Showing posts with label School. Show all posts
Showing posts with label School. Show all posts
Friday, 23 February 2018
Sunday, 14 January 2018
Warning Signs
I can't really remember, exactly, truthfully, how long I've had this for, now... but I do know it's been a long time, and the signs have been there since early childhood.
I grew up in an ever so loving home. I had everything I ever needed and I was doing OK at school. I was always clean, I had a close relationship with my parents, I had a happy home, and I was always loved - so how did I end up like this?
I mean, there's no denying I've had some traumatic events in the past - but that's where it should be left, in the past, yet, I can't shrug that off my shoulders. It's there everyday, and the dark horse is always there to remind you of it; depression. Except, it plays on my mind... how did I end up caught in some very unfortunate events? All so close together. I look back on life and I remember, even down to my earliest memories, not all is as it seems, and the world can be an evil place full of people there who want to take advantage of you and your loved ones; because they think they can. They can't. It's not ok. It never will be.
Why did no one notice me? In Primary school I had all the warning signs and no one noticed. I'd sit in class, daydreaming, teachers constantly telling me off for it. I'd constantly be scared of other kids. Heck, at one point, I'd deliberately hit my head off some of the pillars on the structure of the school for a bit of extra attention, oh, and how can anyone forget, I used to always knot my hair, deliberately. It became a habit to the point school would contact mum - or vice versa.
Thankfully, my parents never had the misfortune of seeing me like that. At home there were no obvious warning signals, except I used to constantly hear voices and see lights and shadows follow me, but nothing that I would say out loud because I managed to get myself used to it - and I wished I told them sooner about the smallest of things that would make me like that.
I was always the 'outcast' kid at school. I never had any friends and I always got bullied, from Primary school all the way to Secondary - It never stopped. I always had an impulsive attitude, and I ended up getting so anxious, I avoided other kids and became addicted to playing laptop games from the age of 10. My Mum, bless her, always so oblivious to what was going on inside my head - She knew I was anxious of other kids and she knew I practically hid away - But she saw it as a way of me being safe - Out of sight, out of mind, whereas at home, at least she knows I'll be safe.
I remember feeling like the world ignored me - I felt like a ghost. All I ever wanted was for someone to reach out, and no one ever did; I had a lovely Mentor at school who I was able to confide in, but she was a family friend. I had a school nurse who I was able to talk about my anxious feelings about... But again, I couldn't properly reach out, whilst internally screaming for help.
That's the thing, it eats you up, and it starts of inside. Lot's of people I knew had coping mechanisms such as self harm or drugs or even smoking - not me. None of that appealed to me. I was just being eaten away inside and there was nowt I could do about it, but deal with it, one day at a time.
I went into Autopilot. I'd wake up, go to school, come back, go on computer, then go to bed. That was my life for 6 years. Pretty boring, huh? Yep. Very. At one stage at school, I'd leave at 7AM and be in school for 7.30, just to avoid everyone. My anxiety got that bad. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to do anything. I'd became so introverted, so quiet, I had no voice.
During my time in high school, I came across a lot of leaps and bounds - I lost my Nan, she was like a second mother to me, amazing. 6 months later, I nearly lost my brother as someone tried to murder him, and 6 months after that, I went to Isle Of Man where police suspected I was being groomed, and had to have a police escort home, and interviews by social services - and that was because, finally, for the first time in my life, I felt comfortable and confided in some people I saw as friends, yeah, I was 15 and this couple was 24 and 42 at the time... But that didn't matter to me, at the time... Years have passed and now I'm questioning whether I was or not. I see where authorities coming from, but at the same time, I don't. There's a lot of missing pieces in that puzzle - still. I just know during this time, my parents were at logger heads and it's the one thing my mum regrets most, but it was never her fault.
I was hoping college would be a better start for me, but my depression and anxiety was still bad, I started to discover I'd get very easily latched on to women to confide to - No matter what, men were a no go. I become attached - and I still do. It got to a point I wished time after time if I could not wake up, I got so fed up. I felt like a waste of space. I felt like my life was going to always be this way and I was always going to be a mess. I hated myself. My body. My face. Everything. I remember, March 2014, I had enough and I decided I needed more help. I finally got put on Medication, but that same month, I remember fearing going home one day to my mum being dead. I was 17.
It was March 17th, 9PM, and mum was screaming in Agony and I remember I was trying to sleep. In the end I gave up and went downstairs, eventually I called an ambulance, and 3 weeks in hospital found she had a Major Heart Attack in the past. She now has COPD, Angina, Arthiritis and Heart Failure. She was only 46 at the time.
I felt like I was going insane. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, and all I could think about was all those years being taken advantage of, not speaking up, not reaching out... not being noticed. I felt cursed, truly cursed. So much so Paranoia got so bad I began to think I was being watched. I'd get this feeling where I feel like someone was watching and listening to me... I felt like I was losing my mind.
It's been a few years, and whilst I went nearly 3 years without Medication, I decided to go back on it - I've managed to learn to control The Dark Horse Depression, but the anxiety is out of control. I get ridiculously Impulsive. I let people take advantage of me. And I'm scared to speak up. It got really, really bad. There are days where my heart will physically hurt, I've had checkups at hospitals to find that yes - My anxiety is real, because there's nothing wrong with my heart except a few abnormal heartbeats which was picked up - and that was caused by anxiety. I ended up becoming a binge eater for comfort and gained 4 stone from aged 15 to 17- I've now lost 3, but I am back to the size I was at 15. I have my days where I hate myself. I still wished I could control myself - And whilst I can, I also can't. I get the sudden urge and without thinking - I'll do something.
At least now I'm not scared to reach out and talk up. I'm now on Citalopram and Receiving CBT, here's to hope the future will be bright...
So here it is, still battling on.
I grew up in an ever so loving home. I had everything I ever needed and I was doing OK at school. I was always clean, I had a close relationship with my parents, I had a happy home, and I was always loved - so how did I end up like this?
I mean, there's no denying I've had some traumatic events in the past - but that's where it should be left, in the past, yet, I can't shrug that off my shoulders. It's there everyday, and the dark horse is always there to remind you of it; depression. Except, it plays on my mind... how did I end up caught in some very unfortunate events? All so close together. I look back on life and I remember, even down to my earliest memories, not all is as it seems, and the world can be an evil place full of people there who want to take advantage of you and your loved ones; because they think they can. They can't. It's not ok. It never will be.
Why did no one notice me? In Primary school I had all the warning signs and no one noticed. I'd sit in class, daydreaming, teachers constantly telling me off for it. I'd constantly be scared of other kids. Heck, at one point, I'd deliberately hit my head off some of the pillars on the structure of the school for a bit of extra attention, oh, and how can anyone forget, I used to always knot my hair, deliberately. It became a habit to the point school would contact mum - or vice versa.
Thankfully, my parents never had the misfortune of seeing me like that. At home there were no obvious warning signals, except I used to constantly hear voices and see lights and shadows follow me, but nothing that I would say out loud because I managed to get myself used to it - and I wished I told them sooner about the smallest of things that would make me like that.
I was always the 'outcast' kid at school. I never had any friends and I always got bullied, from Primary school all the way to Secondary - It never stopped. I always had an impulsive attitude, and I ended up getting so anxious, I avoided other kids and became addicted to playing laptop games from the age of 10. My Mum, bless her, always so oblivious to what was going on inside my head - She knew I was anxious of other kids and she knew I practically hid away - But she saw it as a way of me being safe - Out of sight, out of mind, whereas at home, at least she knows I'll be safe.
I remember feeling like the world ignored me - I felt like a ghost. All I ever wanted was for someone to reach out, and no one ever did; I had a lovely Mentor at school who I was able to confide in, but she was a family friend. I had a school nurse who I was able to talk about my anxious feelings about... But again, I couldn't properly reach out, whilst internally screaming for help.
That's the thing, it eats you up, and it starts of inside. Lot's of people I knew had coping mechanisms such as self harm or drugs or even smoking - not me. None of that appealed to me. I was just being eaten away inside and there was nowt I could do about it, but deal with it, one day at a time.
I went into Autopilot. I'd wake up, go to school, come back, go on computer, then go to bed. That was my life for 6 years. Pretty boring, huh? Yep. Very. At one stage at school, I'd leave at 7AM and be in school for 7.30, just to avoid everyone. My anxiety got that bad. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to do anything. I'd became so introverted, so quiet, I had no voice.
During my time in high school, I came across a lot of leaps and bounds - I lost my Nan, she was like a second mother to me, amazing. 6 months later, I nearly lost my brother as someone tried to murder him, and 6 months after that, I went to Isle Of Man where police suspected I was being groomed, and had to have a police escort home, and interviews by social services - and that was because, finally, for the first time in my life, I felt comfortable and confided in some people I saw as friends, yeah, I was 15 and this couple was 24 and 42 at the time... But that didn't matter to me, at the time... Years have passed and now I'm questioning whether I was or not. I see where authorities coming from, but at the same time, I don't. There's a lot of missing pieces in that puzzle - still. I just know during this time, my parents were at logger heads and it's the one thing my mum regrets most, but it was never her fault.
I was hoping college would be a better start for me, but my depression and anxiety was still bad, I started to discover I'd get very easily latched on to women to confide to - No matter what, men were a no go. I become attached - and I still do. It got to a point I wished time after time if I could not wake up, I got so fed up. I felt like a waste of space. I felt like my life was going to always be this way and I was always going to be a mess. I hated myself. My body. My face. Everything. I remember, March 2014, I had enough and I decided I needed more help. I finally got put on Medication, but that same month, I remember fearing going home one day to my mum being dead. I was 17.
It was March 17th, 9PM, and mum was screaming in Agony and I remember I was trying to sleep. In the end I gave up and went downstairs, eventually I called an ambulance, and 3 weeks in hospital found she had a Major Heart Attack in the past. She now has COPD, Angina, Arthiritis and Heart Failure. She was only 46 at the time.
I felt like I was going insane. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, and all I could think about was all those years being taken advantage of, not speaking up, not reaching out... not being noticed. I felt cursed, truly cursed. So much so Paranoia got so bad I began to think I was being watched. I'd get this feeling where I feel like someone was watching and listening to me... I felt like I was losing my mind.
It's been a few years, and whilst I went nearly 3 years without Medication, I decided to go back on it - I've managed to learn to control The Dark Horse Depression, but the anxiety is out of control. I get ridiculously Impulsive. I let people take advantage of me. And I'm scared to speak up. It got really, really bad. There are days where my heart will physically hurt, I've had checkups at hospitals to find that yes - My anxiety is real, because there's nothing wrong with my heart except a few abnormal heartbeats which was picked up - and that was caused by anxiety. I ended up becoming a binge eater for comfort and gained 4 stone from aged 15 to 17- I've now lost 3, but I am back to the size I was at 15. I have my days where I hate myself. I still wished I could control myself - And whilst I can, I also can't. I get the sudden urge and without thinking - I'll do something.
At least now I'm not scared to reach out and talk up. I'm now on Citalopram and Receiving CBT, here's to hope the future will be bright...
So here it is, still battling on.
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